Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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