at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
