there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
