omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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