I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
