Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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