You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
