Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
