Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
