dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
