i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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