I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
