Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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