So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
