i think my tv is drunk
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
