The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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