We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize