worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
