I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
