mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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