he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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