did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
