I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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