Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
