took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
