So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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