Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
