If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
