i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
