Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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