Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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