I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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