i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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