She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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