Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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