This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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