she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
