Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is Oprah even human
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
