It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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