So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
