if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize