one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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