no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
