oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
