did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
