I must be too annoying 4 u.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Small penises have feelings too.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
