I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
