Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think my fart just growled at me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
