Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
