I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
