I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
