we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you had me at cake vodka
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
