blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
