You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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