You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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