and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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