Just fell off a train. Bad.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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