Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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