He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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