we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize