i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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