he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
