addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
