i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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