idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
