I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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