Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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