so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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